Sitting here in the dark, I try to open my eyes but I see nothing. A faint sliver of light off in the distance, my hope is gone. Desperate, I try to orient myself. How did I end up here? Where is “here”? How do I get out of this place? I hear nothing but the clanking of metal chains against the stone ground. Feeling my wrists, I realize that my hands and feet are bound by handcuffs and I seem to be chained to something. My muscles are weak. My brain is numb. And I am battered and bruised. How long have I been here? And what did I do to deserve this treatment?
Voices. I hear voices! But what are they saying? I try to speak out but my mouth is parched and dry. I am straining to even squeak out a response to the voices. Are they laughing? What are they saying? Slave! You are worthless. You are ugly. No one cares about you. No one wants you. Give up! And now I feel the weight of the situation begin to hit me. I fight and I struggle against the bindings but they feel like they are stronger every time I push and pull. The more I struggle, the darker it feels. And that light I spoke of, I don’t know where it is anymore. I don’t know where it came from or where it went. I feel like I’ve tried everything but nothing is working. And I cry in despair. ----- In the book of Acts chapter 12, there is a story about the followers of Christ being persecuted, slaughtered and imprisoned. Peter is arrested and put in prison. And the scriptures say that “the church was earnestly praying to God for him”. There came a night when Peter was in prison and an angel of God came to him and woke him. And once again the scriptures say that “the chains fell off of Peter’s wrists”. Peter then was instructed to get dressed and quickly he followed the angel past the guards and out of the prison. The prison doors and chains that bound him were open or broken. And Peter walked out of the prison with nothing or no one holding him back. Once outside, the angel disappears and Peter returns to the church that is praying for him. ---- I believe that there are sometimes in our lives where we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. We feel beat up, abandoned or even bound by life’s circumstances. Whether it is relational, financial, our jobs, debt, lies or any number of sins, I believe that Satan uses those things to bind us. He shames us which tends to cause people to go into isolation. If we can just keep quiet about these sins, no one needs to know and I will get through it. And when we keep more and more of these secrets, we dig ourselves deeper and deeper into a black pit. Away from our supports. Sometimes we even drive others away when we react out of our shame. The truth is we don’t want to be alone. But we begin to believe the lies of the enemy saying that no one would like me if they knew just how bad I actually am. No one could possibly love the person that I have become...Darker and darker we are placed into a prison of the heart and mind. And we give strength to the lies until we don’t have the will or the hope to fight it anymore. The scene or picture I painted above was not what I believe Peter was dealing with. However I do believe that it is something we deal with today in our everyday lives. We hide something and it begins to weigh on us. It cuffs our hands and our feet. It binds our hearts and minds until we lose the hope of freedom. And we live with that weight until we are paralyzed by the effects of long suffering. However, I brought up this story of Peter in prison not to remind us of our own despair but to show us that prayer can break that which binds us. We can be in our darkest of places and through prayer, an angel of the Lord can appear to us, wake us from our slumber, and lead us into the light. The chains can and will break off of your hands and feet. And you can find freedom from the oppression. So the questions we all need to ask ourselves are, what am I allowing to weigh me down and lead me towards darkness? Am I trying to do this all on my own power or am I praying that God deliver me from my oppression? Because I believe that when we pray, the chains will loosen and then fall from our hands and feet. I believe the prison doors will open and it will be up to us whether we walk through them or continue to be prisoners/slaves to our sins. ----- Acts 12:1-10 New International Version (NIV) Peter’s Miraculous Escape From Prison 12 It was about this time that King Herod arrested some who belonged to the church, intending to persecute them. 2 He had James, the brother of John, put to death with the sword. 3 When he saw that this met with approval among the Jews,he proceeded to seize Peter also. This happened during the Festival of Unleavened Bread. 4 After arresting him, he put him in prison, handing him over to be guarded by four squads of four soldiers each. Herod intended to bring him out for public trial after the Passover. 5 So Peter was kept in prison, but the church was earnestly praying to God for him. 6 The night before Herod was to bring him to trial, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries stood guard at the entrance.7 Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him up. “Quick, get up!” he said, and the chains fell off Peter’s wrists. 8 Then the angel said to him, “Put on your clothes and sandals.” And Peter did so. “Wrap your cloak around you and follow me,” the angel told him. 9 Peter followed him out of the prison, but he had no idea that what the angel was doing was really happening; he thought he was seeing a vision. 10 They passed the first and second guards and came to the iron gate leading to the city. It opened for them by itself,and they went through it. When they had walked the length of one street, suddenly the angel left him.
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Yesterday we took our daughter out to Donovan Park in The Heights. It’s a cute little wooden park in the middle of the community. First thing she saw was a wooden train that she just had to run up to and begin to explore. I stood there with my camera in hand to take pictures of her as she went in and out of the caboose, as well as the other cars on the train. In a tunnel and out the other end she popped her head out and every time had the biggest smile on her face. From there, my little dare devil ran to the tornado slide and had to find the stairs leading to the top. Sliding down she gave both my wife and me a scare because there were several other children attempting to climb up the slide when she was on here way down. About half way down, she stalled out and it looked like she may tip over the side. So once we got her down safely, we instructed the kids not to climb up the slide but we also tried to redirect our daughter to another part of the park.
Running around the corner of the slide, we found a mini climbing wall with red, yellow, green and blue hand holds. So of course my little climber runs to the wall and immediately wants to climb to the top of the wall. With no training whatsoever, my 2 year old who climbs up everything, grabs a hold of the first hand hold and starts to pull herself up. Placing a foot on one of the bottom holds, she pulls up and then places her foot on the next level of handholds. Hand over hand she looks for the next place to put her hands and feet as the top is within sight. And within a minute or two, she was at the top. This scene has played out in my mind many times over the last two days. And every time I think about it, I smile. I am proud of my little girl for her determination to get to the top. There were plenty of times where she was stuck, would have had to backtrack a little or could have gotten discouraged and quit. But she kept going. Behind her, we stood ensuring her safety but not interfering with her process or progress. If she were to get to that place that she was going to fall, of course we would be behind her to catch her. And we were verbally encouraging her every step of the way. It makes me think about our Father in heaven and His interactions with us as His children. I am certain there are many times that He is there cheering us on. When we are struggling to get to that next step or even to get a hold of the next hand hold, he is standing behind us cheering for each grab and celebrating it as a victory. And just like with my daughter, there will be times that we will struggle. There may be times when we want to give up. Maybe even times when we feel secluded, isolated or alone. But it is important for us to remember that we are never alone. He is always there and He always wants what is best for us. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11 Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all of your ways submit to Him and he will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6 I feel like God posed a question to me today that I would like to share with you as you read this post. The question is quite simply, what are you holding on to that is keeping you from experiencing me more fully? Let me explain...
This question came to me when I took my daughter to the park earlier today. We were both enjoying the weather as we walked down the sidewalk. We chased each other’s shadows on the ground and my daughter had the biggest grin on her face knowing she was going in the direction of the park. She was toting her new Dory Sippy cup with her, drinking her watered down apple juice, and she didn’t have a care in the world. From my perspective, I was watching her with pride and amusement. My daughter is growing up so fast. She is a little over two years old now and she stands a lot taller, walks a lot better and talks in unintelligible sentences so much more day after day. The park isn’t far from our house so it didn't take much time to get there. However we stopped several times over the block and a half to marvel at the birds flying over head, the airplanes in the sky, the insects on the ground and thinking back on it all, I don’t know that I would have appreciated or even remembered all these details had I not stopped and marveled with her. It’s funny how easy it is to walk through life and not really experience it. Or to be on auto-pilot sometimes which in turn filters away the joys of life that God has created all around us. When we arrived at the park, the first thing I did was ask Sophia whether I could hold her sippy cup thinking that it would free her up to play more fully and enjoy the park. Like most two year olds, I heard the word “noooooooooo” and I responded to her with an “okay” knowing full well that eventually I would be picking that thing up off the ground as I followed her around the jungle gym. First she ran underneath to a tunnel section and she sat down with her cup, took a drink and gave me a big smile through one of the openings in the tunnel. As I walked around to get a better vantage point, she crawled through the tunnel slowly with her cup in her arms cupped like a baby doll and was then quickly off to the next thing. She walked up the stairs and made her way to the tornado slide which she rethought and then went to one of the tunnel slides (which she loves to slide down and then walk back up). As I followed her to that slide, that is when the thought first really came to my mind more clearly. Sophia would have so much more fun if she wasn’t holding on to her cup. But she still wasn’t willing to part with it so I just let her continue to play and find creative ways to keep it with her. She slid down the slide and once she reached the bottom, just as she always does, she got up and tried to climb back up the slide. But this time she only got up the slide about half way before she realized that she needed to put her hands down to stabilize and since she had that cup in one hand, she could never make it all the way back up the slide despite several attempts. From her daddy’s perspective, I’m not trying to take her cup away so she can’t have it. I am trying to take it away so she can enjoy herself more and it would be available to her should she ask for it or need it. So once again, what are you holding on to that is keeping you from experiencing me (God) more fully? In the past, I’ve held onto my relationships, my church, my finances, my job… Therefore I need to self evaluate, perhaps daily, whether there is something in my life right now that is keeping me from living the life that he has created for me to live. If you are not fulfilled by what you do, change it. Life is too short to not do what truly gives you a sense of fulfillment. That’s not to say that every day will be rainbows and butterflies. There will be tough days. There will be tough weeks. Seasons of time where you need to put your head down, endure and push through. Yet in pushing through we become passionate. The word passion is from the Latin word pati, which means ‘suffer’. And through our endurance of that which is uncomfortable, our pushing through the difficult time, we become people of passion. However at the end of the day, you must ask yourself whether the life decision, job or career choice you have made so far is fulfilling? Look past your immediate emotions and current feelings. Are you filled with hope and happiness when you think about your job? Or are you filled with dread and despair? Is what you are going through worth becoming passionate about? Is the end result worth being subjected to something that is unpleasant for a time to find fulfillment in the end?
Happiness is a fleeting emotional response to something deeper and below the surface. We all strive for happiness and want to hold on to it for as long as we can. However seeking happiness is like seeking something that cannot be caught. It is like trying to hold water in your hands. You have it but do you really? Therefore we don’t seek happiness. We seek that which fills us with joy and hope. Because when we find those things, we also find showers of happiness. There is a poem/song I enjoy written by a band named The Fray. It seems to capture the essence of happiness. Happiness, is just outside my window I thought it crashed blowing eighty-miles an hour? Or is happiness a little more like knocking On your door, and you just let it in? Happiness, feels a lot like sorrow Let it be, you can't make it come or go But you are gone. not for good but for now Gone for now, feels a lot like gone for good Happiness, is a firecracker sitting on my headboard Happiness was never mine to hold Careful child, light the fuse and get away Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks Happiness, damn near destroys you Breaks your faith, to pieces on the floor So you tell yourself, that's enough for now Happiness has a violent roar Happiness, is like the old man told me Look for it, but you'll never find it all Let it go, live your life and leave it Then one day, wake up and she'll be home Happiness – The Fray So we begin to ask ourselves the question that may scare us when asked. Am I truly happy where I am? Have I been trying to make my circumstances work because it’s the easiest thing to do? And to take it a step further, a question we should ask is, have I not tried because I am afraid of failure? Some of us do not try to take the next step out of our current circumstances because in the back of our mind we can justify not succeeding with not really trying. And in not trying, we haven’t failed. We put off our hopes and dreams. We set aside our goals and ambitions so that questions of “what if” can be said without the weight of “I failed”. Teddy Roosevelt stated “Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat”. A much more modern way to say that would be to say it is better to try and fail than never to have tried at all. But can our heart take the loss or failure? Coming from a place where my heart has been broken to pieces, I can tell you that I dared to love a baby without the guarantee that the baby would be mine. And after two years of pouring out that love into the little one, in the end I feel he was stolen from me. My heart still mourns at his loss. For which I will one day ask my creator the age old question, “why?” But for now, I can honestly say that the risk was worth it. I wouldn’t trade away the memories I have of cuddling, tickling and hearing his little laugh. I was his rock and his protector. I was daddy. And I will love him til my last breath. So much pain is associated with that specific situation. I now know how it feels to have loved and lost. To be truly full of joy, hope and love at the chance of being a husband and a daddy. But the story does not end there. In the midst of such great pain and sorrow I have not given up the hope of being a daddy. I have not held back from loving another child with everything my heart can give. Even at the risk of losing again, each day I make a choice to love with everything that I have. The question you may ask yourself when reading this is “why would anyone ever do that again?” And the answer is because in being a daddy, I found fulfillment and joy. So the risk was and is worth the reward to me. What is it that something or someone that is worth risking failure, rejection or loss for you? What is worth you putting it all out in the open, trying your hardest, and being the most vulnerable for? If you don’t immediately know the answer it is okay. But don’t give up the search for this answer. And even if you do know the answer, don’t hold back from pursuing fulfillment. Maybe your current circumstances do not support your end result or goal. What needs to be done to change that? In finding fulfillment, you will find those showers of happiness; and your heart will be free. |
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